I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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