thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize