I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize