His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
