Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Randomize
