I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
