We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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