If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
