I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
