Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
