hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
