I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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