Sponge bath it is.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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