If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
