how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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