I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
