i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
