i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
