I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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