trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
