so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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