I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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