every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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