Pants 0. Shit 1.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
