I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You ate ashes out of my bong
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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