you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
