This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
