talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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