I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
