You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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