last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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