I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
