The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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