She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
