life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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