Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
