im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
