well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize