Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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