All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
