Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
