She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
