It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
