If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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