Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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