You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
