ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
