if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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