Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
