the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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