Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
