Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
