I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
