DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
