sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
