Swine flu. Run for my life!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
