Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Of course I have a pirate flag
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
