The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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