So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize