if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize