im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
