I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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