Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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