He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
