I CAN MOONWALK!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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