he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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