it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
