Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
