This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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