weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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