I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize